The end of the wait is not near, its here

Finally the end of the week has arrived. 3 weeks to go till block tests and i havent even started my revision. Gotta realli buck up this time round and should realli stop slacking. Procrastination is my foe at this point of time, among many others. Funnily enough, i miss soccer trainings. Even though they were time-consuming and at times, torturous, that was one of the main reasons why i look forward to coming to school. And now it's over. Thats the sad part about us humans. We take what we have for granted and only when we have lost, do we appreciate. This vicious cycle can spiral on uncontrollably if we do not change our ways. That is why: Hold close everything you hold dear and do not take anything for granted.

Only in abscence
did i realise
how your prescence
and happiness suffice

2 days left

I don't know what the hell is going on around here. Don't give a fuck neways. Seems like one can never actually be rid of the past. The phrase "your past will come back to haunt you" is apt indeed. The present will be affected by the past, and the future, affected by the present. It is inevitable. This interwoven reality is sometimes excruciatingly painful and frustrating but at times, great. Hope that the present can overshadow the shortcomings of the past and the future be brightened by the present.

Hanging on your rope got me ten feet off the ground

4 days to go...

Nothing much happened today. Had a physics test which i ponned econs lecture to study for. Hope i managed to scrape a B. haha. Then, did work at khatib mac with Ow, fai and jeremy till bout 6 30 then we ciao-ed. Supposed to play soccer today but due to miscommunication, ended up not playing. Neways, dl-ed lose yourself by eminem again. Realised that the lyrics were indeed quite meaningful :

If you had, one shot, one opportunity
to seize everything you ever wanted
one moment
to capture,
or to just let it slip

You are the one good constant thing in my life

Only 5 days, i keep telling myself

Today was ok i guess. Shortest day of the week for the new timetable. Ended at 145pm. Then went to long john's and slacked there with Ow and Fai. Went back to school and slacked sumore in the library. Played abit of bball which i really sucked at. Think i better stick to soccer. And that's pretty much how my day went. Pathetic i know. Haha. This whole week's gonna be miserable i guess. Only 5 days, i keep telling myself.

Withthe passing of every second you're not with me, i realise how important you are in my life

The world holds its breath

Nothing better to do so decided to blog. So today was pretty much routine. Woke up late, went to mac and then to my grandpa's house in the evening. Standard routine for a sunday. So tomorrow marks the start of the wondrous hols for us JC2s. 4 weeks of blissful relaxation away from books and pressure. Hah, wishful thinking on my part. The harsh reality is that the first 2 weeks is according to normal schedule with abit of alterations. N the best part is, my wonderful maths tutor has kindly smsed me requesting me to stay back every day after school to clear the work that i owe her. Life's juz great ain't it? Thanks for nothing Ms Ng. My tutors claim that the last 2 weeks of the hols will be 'untouched'. Even if that were true, still have to use that time for revision as the blocks will start immediately once sch reopens. Sounds as if this month is gonna be really happening =)

Its amazing how things can change in an instant. One moment you're ten feet off the ground, the next, falling flat on your face. Thats life. One of the hardest things in life is to watch the people that you care about, making the biggest mistakes of their lives. You want so much to prevent it by advising them against it but sometimes, you just have to step back and let them make their own mistakes. Because only with failure, can one learn. Sometimes, its better for people to make the mistakes sooner rather than later, so that they will be able to learn and be better prepared for future knocks. Heroes arise from tremulous times. Remeber that.

Each time i gaze into your eyes, the rest of the world stands still

One step at a time...

Hey all. Yes, im here once again. So yeap the start of the weekend on this glorious saturday. Spent the whole morning doing one of my favourite things...Sleeping! Woke up at like 12 30. Spent my afternoon more productively doing my work at mac. Unbelievable but true. Wanted to start on the 100 questions for phy but the task seemed pretty daunting so decided to juz give up and walk around with my friends. One of my secondary school friends is actually in a 5-year r/s. Though after 3 years he n his gal were on a short hiatus, they've made it this far. He went through alot of shit with the girl's parents and now they've accepted him too. Its people like them who give me hope for the future, that love actually can overcome all odds. Sometimes its not about making things happen, but letting things unravel by themselves with a little nudge in the right direction.

To all those out there nursing a broken heart:

Don't cry because it ended
Smile because it happened

For every second that we spend together, a piece of my heart you take

Dilemma

Today was the GP Block test and i don't exactly know how i fared for both papers. Neways, Crispin, Fai and Chuan Yue was called out for long hair and had to go out of the hall to cut their hair. Fau-, I mean MR Fauzi, helped Chuan Yue to cut his hair. Haha. Then, went for friday prayers and did CIP thereafter. Some of the soccer guys and I helped to collect funds for Mercy Relief which is dedicated to delivering aid for the Sichuan Earthquake victims. I finally got to experience how tiring and , occassionally, frustrating collecting donations can be. I took a short 'break' and made it back to school to watch the investiture and then went back to the mrt and resumed collecting donations till 7pm. Then, had dinner with the guys and went home.

Faced with a dilemma
Wanna tell you
Sooner or later
Things will get better

Everything

For all of those out there who can't put their feelings into words:

Imagine that the pillow that you cried on was my chest,
and the tissue that you wiped your face with was my hand.
Girl, imagine: if you needed advise about some other guy,
I'm the one that comes to mind.
Not tryna hear you tell nobody that I'm just a friend,
just trying to make sure I'm that body that you call your man,
and anytime you need a shoulder -- it's yours, night or day,
but what I'm tryna say is,

I wanna be...
The last number you call late at night
The first one that you dial when you open your eyes.
Wanna be the one you run to,
wanna be the one that ain't gonna hurt you,
I wanna be yeah, I wanna be yeah..
Be the man making your girls jealous,
be the guy shuttin' down all the fellas..
whatever you need, girl, it's all on me:
soldier, your friend or your lover, girl,I wanna be...

Fallen Angel

First off, would like to apologise to all you peeps for not updating my blog for the past few days. Great to see that its so happening here. Lol. Neways, went for my teacher's wedding yest. She taught me in sec 2 and still could remember me. Haha. Must have really made life hell for her. It was great being able to meet up with my sec sch peeps. Reminded me of the good times that we had. One of her students said "Ms Seow, I love You!" and i replied " Eh, She married already lah boy!" That drew quite a number of stares from the crowd. After that, had dinner then returned home.My friend intro-ed me to the song Fallen Angel by Chris Brown. I was instantly hooked by the lyrics as well as the tune. Recommend all you peeps to download it( or buy the CD for those who have a conscience)

If I could, take a trip, to outer space,
She would be the one, I will see, when I get, to Heavens gate,
She would welcome me, with her arms, open wide
and her smile,would shine on me brighter than the sun,
She hasn't had a fair chance, so I'll give her one

Epic Tragedies

There is bound to be a point in every indiviual's life where one encounters grief. It is an inevitable part of life. With happiness, comes grief. An unlikely coupling. There are several stages which one will encounter when one is filled with grief. These are the 5 stages of grief:

Denial: "It can't be happening."
Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."
Bargaining: "Just give me one more chance."
Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
Acceptance "It's going to be OK."

One has to allow oneself to go through these stages in order to recover from the ordeal and move on with one's life. If one does not do so, one will be trapped in a limbo, and time will pass right by you. As i have mentioned before in one of my earlier posts, one can choose to live in denial OR accept that things have indeed changed and try to move on.

Acceptance is the key to triumphing over grief

Unforseen

Life is full of surprises as they always say. Though it may sound cliche, it holds true. Things can change in an instant, sneaking up and hitting one from behind. That happened today. An array of emotions consumed me, leaving me disoriented. If i had known, i would not have said anything at all. What seperates the men from the boys is the ability to make decisions and having the responsibility to bear the consequences of the those decisions, no matter how heavy the burden.

Change
Sometimes its painful
Sometimes its beautiful
Most of the times
Its abit of both

Time to move on

We had our last game today and what a brilliant end to the season for us. We won National Junior College 1-0 with a spectacular goal from haoguang into the top corner. It was a bittersweet moment as this was indeed the last game that I will ever get to play representing YJC. Though i was not instrumental in the team being the striker who didn't even score a goal, i will never forget this memorable chapter in my life. The fun that we had, the suffering we went through during physicals, the after-training meals that we had will forever be etched into my memory. Thanks guys for making my life more bearable coz i don't know what i'd do without you guys looking out for me.Today marks the end of our illustrious journey as YJC Soccer players.

I realised today that i have been living in denial for the past few months. I had an epiphany that it is indeed time to let go and move on with my life. I finally realised that im fighting for a lost cause. I just want to say, i love you.

It is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all

Enslaved

Hate to say it but, we had our last training today. Was realli dam sad about it. We took group pictures on the field. Snapshots of the people who made life much more bearable for me. Didn't get to say this to all of u soccer guys juz now but without you guys, i don't know what my life would be like.I wish all of you the best of luck in the coming prelims and A levels, Lets show the rest what we soccer guys are capable of.

Bought meifong's birthday gift already. Supposed to celebrate her bday tomorrow at chuan yue's house but turns out my parents don't allow me to go( wow, what a surprise!) coz my dad wants to bring my family out for dinner or something. I really really feel bad coz of me being unable to go to the bday celebration tmr. I really want to go but its just that circumstances are a bitch. All my life ive been a victim of circumstance. Wonder when this vicious cycle of being enslaved by my parents' paranoia will end.

Failed to be there when you needed me to be

Things are slowly changing...

Hey guys. Sorry for not updating these past few days. Nothing significant really happened thus, the lack of posts. Neways, today was the the first wednesday which we soccer guys did not have training.It feels weird to not have soccer take up my time on wednesdays. Friday will be our last training, and even then its not confirmed. Even now i feel sad knowing that my time as YJC Soccer player is drawing to an end. Im really proud to have played alongside all you soccer guys man. Though we might have only won one game, we stuck together through thick and thin. Friday will be the photo shoot for us soccer guys. A snapshot of a significant event in my life, portaying the people whom i 'grew' up with in these short two years.Our last game against Njc will be the last for us JC2s. Treasure the moment guys as it will stick with you for the rest of your lives. Neways, supposed to go window shopping with jeremy joon kiat n fai juz now at amk hub but we ended up accompanying Ow at Long John Silver's. Really laughed like hell at jeremy's jokes.Damn funny guy lah. Reached home at 830 today which is the earliest ive ever reached home on a wednesday.

Its amazing how things can change in an instant. Like Ow, just one wrong turn and things came crashing down. We are all here for you bro. Life is comparable to what happened to Ow. One wrong turn could leave us inexplicably lost and regret will soon set in. Sometimes, even though one foresee certain events occurring, one can't fathom the pain that one might feel when those things happen. Most of us put on a facade everyday, concealing the pain and sorrow that they're feeling by laughing and plastering a fake smile on their faces, acting as if everything is ok. Its a white lie really. Sometimes, they do so to not interfere in people's lives and stop others from getting worried. If you were presented an opportunity to attain what you desire the most at the expense of others, would you take it? The greatest battle fought is from within and the time will come in one's life to choose between: what is right and what is easy.

Trying very hard not to cross that fine line

Unanticipated tragedies...

Today took the maths ca. It was hopeless as i couldn't really think straight. Im lucky if i managed to scrape an S with that dysmal performance in the test. Highlight of the day was soccer training in the evening juz now. It was bittersweet as its most probably the 2nd last training that we'll ever have for the rest of the year. The team has become really close and i really feel much closer to some of them like arvin,chuan yue, Ow, Fai, Jeremy, aaron, joon kiat n fairoz( to name a few. If i didnt mention ur name, don't be too disheartened =] ). Really gonna miss the times that we shared during trainings and the after-training meals. Good times, good times. Hope we can end the season on a high note with a win agaisnt tpjc tmr.

As i mentioned in one of my earlier posts, im really trying hard to keep a lid on my temper these days though i can't promise not to lose it if future events piss me off. Well, that day is today. Just don't get how some people can be so fucking stupid as to post offensive opinions on public domains. Im seriously fucking pissed at this point of time. Just fucking keep your fucking thoughts to your fucking self. Neways, this is just part and parcel of life, encountering various types of people in one's life. Along the way, there's bound to be people whom you just feel like bashing up either for hurting or exploiting the people that one love. However, one musn't let one's anger get the better of them as it could have dire repercussions.Im desperately searching for a effective anger-management technique but still to no avail. Blogging helps but it's merely temporary solace from the anger and pain that soon consumes thereafter.

Anger and pain consumes
while i lie helplessly
silently praying for an angel
to take my breath away

The jerks get the girls, while the good guys just can't seem to catch a break

Open your eyes and change

Today's the last day of the weekend again. Damn, weekends simply just fly by. When you wish for time to fly by, it will crawl and vice versa. Lol that was random. So main event of today was...SLEEP! Woke up at 11am to eat breakfast and use the com for awhile then felt really letargic so i decided to go take a short nap at 1pm. When i woke up, it was already 4! Haha. Thats the life man =) Unfortunately, had to start studying for the maths test tmr. Managed to complete complex and binomial distribution. For sampling and probability, im juz gona crap through. Tmr will be a test of my luck i guess. Haha.



Sometimes i ask myself, if i were to die right now, what impact have i made on other people's lives in my lifetime? Sometimes one makes a difference in people's lives without even knowing it. As for me, the only good things i've done for others is to lend them a listening ear, give them advice on their problems and to make them laugh. Its funny that people come to me with their gal/ guy problems when i've never even been in a relationship before. Guess all that rejection taught me some things. Haha. For me, i think one of the hardest things to endure is watching the people that I love suffer without being able to do a single damn thing about it. That feeling of helplessness is indeed one which i would never wish on anyone. I just hope that my prescence helps soothes the pain of the people that i love and that in the end when im on my deathbed, i know that ive made good use of my short time on this lonely planet called Earth. Life's short, too short to live it as a bad person.



Shed no more tears please. Im here for you no matter what happens

Rage Blackouts

Heyo. Sorry bout not posting yesterday guys. Seriously had nothing to talk about so it would be kind of stupid to blog about mundane stuff. Neways, had training today as usual. Surprisingly, it was quite fun and 20 people turned up which is quite a good improvement from the past turnouts for sat trainings which was pretty pathetic. After training, had to serve detention for the first time since i came to yjc coz i came late twice so far this year. When i told my mom that i had detention, she blowed it up into such a freaking big issue as if i like played truant or something. Was seriously pissed off at that time. Neways, detention was supposed to be 3 hours but me and aznor only spent like an hr actually in the classroom. The rest of the time, we were slacking with fai n Ow at the grandstand n talking cock as usual. After detention, slacked with Ow n fai at the grandstand while waiting for candice to come accompany Ow. Albert n co. went out today to have a belated celebration of mel's bday. I couldn't join in coz of parents( as usual) n detention. Neways, reali hope that they had fun today.

Lately, i've been losing my temper more often that i've done in past years. My close friends in the soccer team would know the reason for this. Reali gotta learn to keep a lid on my temper from now on and not get easily agitated. However, I cant make any promises if future events piss me off.When one feels sad or angry occasionally, it's deemed that one is like 'emo' or something. The sad truth is when one constantly feels sad, it becomes the norm and its deemed as being 'ok'. Life. Sometimes its painful, sometimes its beautiful. Most of the times, its abit of both. Im sure many of us desperately search for the silver lining to most bad/painful things that have happened to us to try and be optimistic. Sometimes its there, most of the time it isn't. Most people are hoping to find gold at the end of the rainbow, however most of the time, its juz disappointment yet again. I know im sounding really pessimistic but unfortunately, its the the painful truth. Its up to all of you whether to live in blissful ignorance or to accept the harsh facts of reality.

Having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true, that does

Contemplation

Happy Labour day to all you labourers out there! I think this holiday is especially sweet for all the JC2s as this holiday is a much-needed break from the hectic pace of life that we are all suffering from.Sometimes i really think that Singapore's lifestyle is really really competitive. Its like one has to work hard to keep up with the rest and work even harder still to pull ahead.When will this rat race end? Seeing how competitive the global arena is becoming, im guessing never. Wow, what a bunch of crap that was. Haha. Neways, studied with jeremy n fai juz now in tampines!Haha. Managed to persuade jeremy to come down all the way from yishun. We ended up talking cock more than we actually studied which didn't come as a surprise. We then had dinner at afghanistan ( Yes, its a real hawker centre n no, we didn't see Osama) After that, we all went our seperate ways back home. Jeremy reached home at 11 30. Feel my pain man!

Someone asked me recently whether i would be with a gal just to satisfy the lack of love in my life. Well, the answer is no. Even though its hard sometimes, i would never play with a gal's feelings like that. Love is about being there for each other through the good times and even more importantly, through the bad. Love is that joy that you feel when you are around the person and continually longing for his/her prescence. Love is complicated, no doubt, but its the one thing worth fighting for in life.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away

Exhausted

Im reali tired. Got home at rnd 11 juz now. Training was tiring as usual. Me joon kiat chuan yue fairoz fai arvin n jeremy went to eat as usual after training but long john's n bk was fucking packed! Damn, it was filled with all the yjcians from the various ccas. We were about to give up n go home when arvin suggested this small nasi padang shop near the interchange.Since we were desperate, we went there to eat. It was quite affordable but the food was about the same quality as the canteen. Haha. Then, me jeremy n joon kiat emo- momo(a word created by jeremy, fucking joker, haha) at the interchange. Then, went home. What an interesting day rite?

Hope you know what you're doing.